It's been about a month since I last wrote

I've been debating whether I wanted to write. I have been having a difficult time lately. I am really stressed with work, school, and wedding planning. Work, well is just stupid. I like the most of the people I work with, but there is one person I just can not stand. She treats me like I am a kindergartner and repeats herself every five minutes. It's frustrating because I know I am more intelligent than she is. Also, I had being told the same thing over and over when it's the safe f***ing routing day after day. I know how to do my damn job and it's just plain irritating. I like this person outside of talking about anything about work, but she just sucks at managing. I can't wait until June. It's less than 4 months away until the end of work now :)

School is school. I guess I didn't expect grad school to be easy, but I thought I would feel a little more confident about myself. This semester is really hard for me because I am taking one class online. I hate online classes. I'm am not an organized person, I wish I was and I have tried to be, but it's just not me. Trying to keep up with an online class sucks. My other class has a lot of work and I started out way behind. I didn't get my book for the class until 3 weeks after it started. I still have a lot of reading to catch up on. I just have never felt caught up. Also my class on Wednesday night called Counseling Diverse Populations has had me explore my heritage and culture. It's interesting but has made me think a lot about my family. We're not really as close to my dad's side of the family. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing them and spending time with them, but I am so much closer to my cousins on my mom's side. It was really sad when my grandfather died, but my cousins were there for me. It's amazing the connection we all have. It is really special. When we are all together it is like we are siblings. If I ever needed anything I know they are there for me. My oldest cousin and my youngest cousin are both only children so I hope they feel the same way I do.

The wedding planning is ok. I feel really stressed out right now. I have so much to do with school that I don't have time to think about the wedding. I think I watch way too much tv and it takes away time to do wedding planning. Last weekend Rod and I went to lok at wedding bands. I'm not sure what I want yet. Nothing really matches my band, but I have found a couple that I like. Rod doesn't really want a wedding band, but I really want him to have one. I don't know why it is so important to me, but I wish he understood how I feel about it. I know he doesn't like jewelry and I feel bad because I feel like I'm forcing him to do something he hates, but at the same time I feel like it represents our relationship and he should wear his ring to show that he is married to me. I guess we'll work it out eventually. We also made a list of all the things we need to get done and I feel like it's never ending. I know I have a lot done, but all the little things add up. Now that we're under 5 months I don't feel like I have enough time. I did find a cool way to do my programs though. I want to make fans because it is unique and it may get hot in the glass chapel. Here's the link to what they are going to look like http://www.weddingannouncer.com/forum/showpost.php?p=81143&postcount=2. They are going to be a lot of work, but I think they are going to be very neat. I have so much other little things to do as well. The other big thing that I need to get done is order the bridesmaids dresses. Hopefully I'll get that done before the end of the month. I have been working on my thank-you cards from my bridal shower in December (I know I'm way behind, but it's better late than never) and I was going through my address cards for the wedding and I picked up my mom's parents card and it still said Mr. and Mrs. James Trani. That made me really sad. Then my mom and I were working on the guest list and we had to delete my grandfather's name from the guest list :'( That made me cry. I loved my grandfather so much and I really miss him. I'm not sad all the time, but when I think about my wedding I get really sad. I know he is going to be there with me, I just wish he would be there dancing with me.

My busy life has kept me from keeping in touch with some of my best friends. I hadn't seen a lot of my friends in a long time. It sucks, but at the same time I'm not the only one in the relationship. I feel bad because I feel like I've neglected them, but I feel they have neglected me too. One of my best friends has a new boyfriend so she is really busy with him now seeing him everyday. Unfortunately when relationships come friends are second. I've tried not to be that way and I think I've done a good job, but other friends of mine that's not the case. They need to learn to balance their lives, but they feel like they need to spend as much time with the new person as possible because that's what relationships are about, but they aren't. Anyway, enough of my preaching. Next weekend Rod and I are going to go with some of our friends to look at puppies. Then I think I'm going to see some of my best girlfriends from high school. Also one of my best guy friends (we share the same birthday) is coming home for spring break so I am going to see him too :) I can't wait for next weekend to come. Unfortunately the week hasn't even begun. Have a great week everyone and hopefully I'll update soon.