Sick of It

I'm sick of the lies! I'm sick of the hurt and the pain! I'm sick of feeling like I'm the guilty one! I'm sick of feeling like I deserve this! I'm sick of feeling like I brought it on myself! I'm just sick of it all!!!

When to Call it Quits

When do you say enough is enough? What is the breaking point? When is it time to say you have done your best and there is nothing else you can do? I'm struggling with this idea right now. I'm having personal problems and I just don't know what to do. There's not really anyone I can talk to about it either. I trust people but it hurts too much to open up. I have opened up to a few and I know the advice I have been given is right but I can't bring myself to take it. I can't allow myself to fall apart right now. I need to be concentrating on getting through my two summer classes I am taking right now. That leaves me no time to take care of myself. As a counselor in training I know it is important to take care of myself so that I can be an effective counselor, but I just don't know where to turn. I don't have time to take care of myself or to actually deal with what is bothering me. If I did, it would tear me apart. I'm taking time off in August and going to CA for 2 weeks, maybe I can figure everything out then. What do I do until then? Do I pretend everything is ok and just hurt inside? Will the feelings eat me up until I have nothing left to give? Who do I talk to about it?

3 months flies by quickly

I can't believe I haven't posted in 3 months. I think it was because I really did not have much time or much to say. Now I have a week off from school so I have a little time to write. First things first, this past semester was hell. It was so difficult for me to juggle working full time, going to school, and completing my practicum hours. I was gone Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday afternoons and evenings. Once Thursday came around I did not want to have anything to do with schoolwork. I'm glad it is over and I got straight As, but I know the Summer I semester is going to be much more difficult. I'm going to be in class Tuesday nights from 4-10, Wednesday 7-10, and Thursday 4-7. Yuck!!!!

Let see what else went on during the semester. Oh yeah, Rod and I tried to buy a house. Well two actually. The first one we were so close to getting. We had everything ready then two days before we were supposed to close, we found out that we couldn't get an FHA loan so we had to change the type of loan and the appraisal. The loan was going to be a higher interest rate and we had to put more down, but we were ok with that. Unfortunately, the mortgage company didn't get everything finished by our closing date so we were supposed to close the next day. The seller's backed out. It was so crazy. The next day we put a contract on another house but that house ended up appraising for way less than what we were paying. In a way we were thankful that we didn't get the first house because the second appraised at $70,000 less than the first. Rod and I have decided to stay at our apartment for now. I'm actually ok with it because I don't have to get a job this summer. Now I'm just going to focus on finishing work and finishing school. Oh yeah and finishing unpacking and reorganizing the apartment. We moved around our furniture, bought a new tv and tv stand, and are now trying to unpack. Oh what fun. Anyway, off to make dinner. Hope you all enjoy the update.